LOOOOONNG

I was totally pumped about this blog thing, pumped and ready to go. Then I finally got one going and for a few days felt like I had nothing to write. I think the reason I felt this way was because I thought this blog had to mean something greater than what it actually does. While, I’d love to share things with strangers all over the Internet, I don’t have much to share really. I’m not an avid reader or writer and when it comes to reviewing things I can be really awful at it. Then I got to thinking, who cares? Really, if I sat here complaining for pages, who would really care otherwise? Lots of you who stumble upon here will read my ramblings and lots won’t, but I’m going to write anyway. As you know, it’s pretty cathartic to sit down and actually verbalize (textualize?) what’s on your mind. So, I’m going to do that here at “Then Lili Wrote,” because, why not, right?
Lately, men have been on my mind. And when I say men, I really mean poor excuses for boys who drive women to the point of, well, near insanity. It’s outrageous how little they look outside themselves to see the wonderful women they have surrounding them. It’s unnerving how they flagrantly lead us on and when they can have us, they disregard us. I, like many of the women who’ll read this, am sick of it. I have been for a while, in fact I’m not sure why I ever let it occur. Why I didn’t stop the cycle to begin with, having witnessed it again and again. This cycle of our emotional ups and downs needs to end. When I think back on all the tears wasted on a male, I’m sickened. And even now, I feel my ducts fills up with those damned, despair driven drops. My heart hurts for you and I, it wishes neither of us had felt the way it does and it wishes we wouldn’t ever again. But, I fear, as women we are cursed to ache. I think a large part of it has to do with the way we’re built. We’re innately more caring and we tend to invest more in others. So, we must also hurt because lets face it, people don‘t live up to our investments. From now on I’ll look at this as a blessing. After all, the bad makes the good all the better.
I’m not sure what I’ve written here or if it’ll ring true to any of you, I hope it does. I’m starting to feel that “I-need-to-be-empowered” thing that I’ve heard others in my, and in former, generations harp on. I’ve talked about this with many a girlfriend and we’ve all agreed that it’s time we vocalized our feelings. When did staying quiet become acceptable? I’ve always been too blunt to keep my mouth shut, so why did I think it was okay when a male was involved? Screw that, sistah, I’m going to blurt out exactly what I mean and not steer around what I’ve been thinking about for months.
I did that. I said what was on my mind. I said it in a nice letter. I sent the letter nearly 24 hours ago. It’s time I pretend he’s not going to write back. Maybe then I’ll be able to just move on from him and this whole ordeal. It felt nice to write all that. I feel better, still sad, but better.

I love you for reading this and probably for lots of other things too.

Yours,
Lili

PS Shout out to Gina Masi for hugging me when I cried and eating brownies with me while I vegged, that’s a friend.